Surviving Infidelity

A journal entry from June 28, 2016                Joe was severely tempted last night Lord.  Satan attacked him again, but you were with him. You kept him safe.  I guess when we are separated there will always be a greater probability of temptation swooping into the empty spaces I leave behind.  I have been fearful of temptations but you know what?  They don’t scare me as much anymore.  This morning I realized I am much more afraid of secrets.  A secret is the only thing that has the power to destroy our marriage.  Both Joe and I have felt so secure and safe these days.  He is strong in his faith and his commitment to sobriety.  I have been winning my battle with triggers.  After 2 and a half years, life is really starting to seem normal.  But whenever the world is most sweet, the enemy will be looking for a way to attack.  I guess this is the thorn in my side, a message from satan that I should not be exalted over much.  And although I have prayed that it be removed You have

A journal entry from January 2, 2015  3:30AM           When Joe found me at the other end of my Christmas card, 16 ½ years ago, I was so lonely.   My second marriage had ended and for two years I had been living in a rented house with two of my girls there part time.  We were making it and I was getting stronger, but I was lonely.  I was lonely and I was insecure.  Who would ever want me?  How would I ever find someone to love me?  I was afraid of men.  I knew they could hurt me.  I was afraid of their gaze that showed interest.  I was afraid of sex.  I was lacking and they would know it.  I was not a sexual woman and they would find that out if I let them get close.  I was afraid, so I didn’t let them get close.           I had a bicycle and I found a group of people that liked to ride.  I loved the feeling of strength in my body when I pushed myself to ride up gigantic hills or go far distances.  The challenges were fun but at the end of the day, with my girls away, I went