Surviving Infidelity

A journal entry from January 1, 2016                  Satan is making a last ditch effort here to bring me down.   But h e is just showing me how much I need my God, how much I need to walk with Jesus.   Satan get out of my head, out of my room, out of my writing.   In the name Jesus, get out of my life.   I don’t need you here.   You have done your damage and God has used it for his good.   Your poison has caused me to rescue my husband from your clutches.   God and I saved him and then they both turned and saved me.   I walk with Jesus now.   His spirit is in me and I will not let you take me or this marriage down.   Get out of my life Satan, out of my house, my car, out of Joe’s car, out of my bed and my head, get out of my writing.   I want my writing to be full of the power of the Holy Spirit that lives in me.   I have God’s Holy Spirit in me and you cannot get me while the spirit is in me.   I may waver now and then but God is creating a new heart in me.   God loves me more t

A journal entry from January 1, 2016         Melody Beattie asks that question in Language of Letting Go.  What would I like to have happen in my life?  Hmmmmm!     I would like to feel more in tuned with God’s plan.   I know that God’s plan is  good and I also know that when I think I am in charge, I have to work a lot harder.  I worry more, I feel more responsible and if things don’t go the way I think they should, I feel badly about myself.  On the flip side, when I remember that God has a plan I am more balanced.  That's it.  I want to find balance.  I want to put down the negatives of what I have learned about Joe's past and just go with what God has given me today, right now in this moment.  God has worked so much good in my life.  He has turned my wailing into dancing. (Psalm 30:11)  I am able to be joyful again.  Sometimes it is tentative as if I am hedging my bets, but it is joy.  I want more of that.       Like Peter, I want to get out of the boat. Only I don’t want

A journal entry from March 3, 2016                  Another running revelation.  I was listening to Tell your Heart to Beat Again and I heard something different.  He talks about your world being shattered and "You think you're never gonna get back to the you that used to be.  Let the shadows fall away. Step into the light of grace. Yesterday’s a closing door.  You don’t live there anymore. Say good bye to where you’ve been and tell your heart to beat again.” Say good bye to where I’ve been, where I’ve been.  Thank you Lord. I just heard that.  I just heard You.  I need to let go of my past.  I need to say good bye to the past 2 years of my broken heart.  I’m ok now.  "Love has pulled me through."  You have pulled me through.  I have been trying to let go of Joe’s past.  I have been trying to walk away from his past not my own.  My ugly past has only been two years.  I have to let the shadows of that sad, broken time, fall away and step into the light of grace. 

A journal entry from April 2, 2016   Words from God through my hands: Baby girl, it is a good time to talk about fear.  I have given you good insights about it and it is time to pull some of them together.  I understand your fear but I don’t know if you understand it yet.  Baby girl, what are you afraid of?  You know that I am here in your heart and still you are afraid.  You know that I have a plan for you and still you are afraid.  You know that I will never leave you, that I have always been here for you, I have always taken care of you and still you are afraid.  You know that I love you and I choose you.  You can feel me loving you and still you are afraid.  Why are you afraid baby girl?  What are you afraid of? Why is my love, not enough for you?          Me:      What am I afraid of?  I have been asking myself that question and the true answer is hard to find.  Could it be because as much as I love and trust you, I still want my husband to be my God?  I still can’t adm

A journal entry from April 10, 2016                                 Lord, I think you have given me another insight.  Last night I was telling Joe about a book I was reading where the married woman was attracted to her class instructor.  It was that she was headed toward an affair.                 Joe told me that when he hears stuff like that his stomach clenches.  It is like watching a horror movie.  All he can think is, “No, don’t do it!”  It makes him sick to remember his stupidity and he wishes every day that he could change his past choices.  Then, thinking of the past he said, “You could never make me feel the things she made me feel about myself, but it was all shallow.  It wasn’t until I almost lost you that I realized, this is the only thing that matters.  Everything I was feeling was just shallow.  You and I have history and love that goes deeper than anything I could get from someone else.”  I heard and understood what he was saying. I put it aside while we watch