Surviving Infidelity

From my journal dated September 3, 2016    I hate that so many women are sitting where I sat 2½ years ago, shocked by the horror of betrayal.  I hate that our society encourages objectification of women and that porn is so readily available. I hate that my wonderful husband got caught up in betrayal.  I have often kept my head in the sand regarding the ugliness of this world.  I figured I was better off seeing the joy around me and bringing a smile to my days.  But now I know about sexual betrayal and the knowing is painful.   Some days I j ust want to put my head back in the sand and let the knowing be muffled away.  I expected at this point in my healing I would be done with the ugliness, that I would move on with a more joyful spirit. But the knowing won't go away. Each time my thoughts turn to Joe's dark past , I am disappointed in myself for going there again. It's over. He's changed.  But the knowing will always be part of my life because my husband has

Discovering your husband's betrayal is an experience that is beyond description. Only those who have been there can understand the pain and shock of discovery. A journal entry from December 23, 2013 I can’t believe it. I am sitting here trembling. I feel sick. For twelve years I have never once doubted I could trust Joe in all things. And now, I have a knot in my stomach. Blood is thrumming through my veins. Fear is making my whole body quake. Just writing about it makes my arms go numb. It’s difficult for me to hit the correct keys with my hands shaking so badly. Joe went to Cindy’s house yesterday because he wanted to see her before he left on his trip? I don’t even know what to think about that. Going over there is so weird.      I’m going to be here for a week, and he’ll be going back to Ohio by himself. My thoughts are making me nauseous. Should I just wait and see what happens? If I say something, he will become sneakier. Even if there is ‘nothing’ going on