Surviving Infidelity

Lying in bed with my arm draped over my husband, a thought came to me. He is just a man, a person with insecurities and doubts. He isn’t a big, strong all-knowing being. He is like me, at times weak and fearful. How did I not know that? Why did I expect more of him than I did of myself?             It made me feel safe  to see him as  strong, confident, perfect.  I wanted to believe in a power greater than myself and I gave that power to my husband. He wanted to believe it too. We grew into our roles of reliance on his power, boxing Joe into a place where he couldn’t admit his fears and weaknesses. He tried to appear strong and in his weakness, he fell. I am grateful my husband no longer pretends to be more than he is. He shares his fears and uncertainties, trusting me to love him anyway.  We are called to love people, not idolize them.   I still believe in a power greater than myself but now I know his name is God. He will keep me safe.

So much has changed in my life since that awful night when I looked at Joe's phone and learned he was seeing another woman. I was a mess for a long time, but I survived and so did our marriage. Things are different for us in a lot of ways. Joe doesn’t always tell me the things I want to hear like he used to. Now he tells me the truth. Sometimes I don’t like what he has to say, but his willingness to be honest makes me feel safe. I would rather hear it from him than find myself back in those crazy days, obsessively combing through his technology. God healed me. I learned to trust Him when I couldn’t trust Joe. He led me to a group of women who listened and understood my pain. Through those ladies I learned that God had a plan for me and I was going to be okay regardless of Joe's choices. If you find yourself lost in the nightmare of infidelity, find a community of women who can support you . They will help you see that it is not your fault and you are not crazy. A