Banish Painful Images

This morning I woke with ‘those’ images playing in my mind. You know the ones I mean—the horrifying reruns of your husband with another woman. I quickly stopped the tape and brought my thoughts under control. There is no way I wanted to go back to that place of pain.

Why do we do that? When faced with infidelity, why does our mind continuously replay images and scenes that hurt us? And even more importantly, how do we stop them?

WHY

When you learn of your husband’s pornography usage, online relationships, affair or other form of sexual betrayal you are shocked. Your perception of the man you married battles with the ugly truth. You can’t believe your husband has become an unrecognizable monster. You want to make sense of the warring confusion. You can’t help it. Using the details, real or imagined, you create explicit mind movies of your husband’s secret life and it breaks your heart. Or was it just me?

Am I the only one who did that? I couldn’t seem to stop. I convinced myself that picturing him with other women would clear up my confusion. It didn’t. My imaginings crushed me. I took the pain of his disclosure and used it to bury myself under a pile of ugliness. I became more desperate and even a bit fascinated with the horror of it all. Lost and broken, my efforts to understand and replay every detail, made me sicker.  

But this morning was different. I had passing glimpses of those old tapes and knew they no longer mattered. My husband and I are in a much different place. We have a new marriage and it includes an honest, loving sexual relationship and friendship, exclusively with each other. I find peace in the fact that although he was broken, he is no longer the monster in those movies. This morning, I was peaceful.  

I want that peace for you. You have been wounded by your husband’s betrayal, but you do not have to stay in that place of helplessness. You can stop the movies and images. You must stop them if you are going to heal.

I was not a Christian at the beginning of our journey, but when I learned to trust God my thoughts quieted. At first, I couldn’t understand how a non-person could help me. If my living breathing husband couldn’t stop my pain how could an intangible God? But He was just what I needed. I needed loving support that could penetrate deeper than human touch or kind words. I needed loving support on the inside, a voice that would quiet my thoughts even in the middle of the night. I longed for an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour love and God gave me that.

Isn’t that what you need? 

God loves you just the way you are. He thinks you are awesome. He doesn’t want you to be plagued by painful images. He wants you to think of Him, to trust Him, to make Him the foundation of your healing. God never promises that life will be easy, but He does promise to be with us when things are difficult.

HOW

Don’t be stuck in the craziness forever. Bring God into your thoughts. Read the Bible. Find your favorite verses and memorize them. Read Christian books. Write their words of inspiration on index cards and post them where you will see them throughout the day. Learn the lyrics to Christian music and other uplifting songs. Let them fill your mind when you wake alone in the darkness. If you hope to reconcile your marriage place loving photos of you and your husband around your home. Focus on those images. Create mind movies of the loving marriage you want to have. Finally, meet God in prayer or even better, write to Him. He will bring you peace. Allow him to move inside of your heart and He will banish lies and push away the negative images. Focus on the good God has done for you in the past and all he will do for you in the future.

With practice you can regain control of your thoughts and take them to the beautiful new life God has for you.

…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil 4:8