No More Secrets

A journal entry from January 23, 2015 

 Last night I dreamed that Joe still had secrets. If I believed that it will make me crazy. As devastating as it was to find out he had an affair, it was even more upsetting when I learned there were more secrets. I thought I knew this man better than anyone else and it turned out, I didn’t know him at all.

It's the secrets that break my heart. That's why honesty is so important. What I don’t know, can make me crazy. The not-knowing fuels my imagination. I review things over and over in my mind trying to envision the things did and talked about with other women. Each time I learn something from Joe’s past I can think of a dozen different ways to adjust my understanding of it. 

Someone wrote that sexual betrayal is like a puzzle with pieces missing. We will never know every detail. We weren’t there. In my dream, it was the thought of secrets that startled me awake. He promised -no more secrets.

Last night Joe shared a truth I didn't want to hear. He explained that he will always be tempted to look at and think about other women. It is a battle he will always fight because he doesn't want to go back down that road. 

Although this was one more thing I didn’t want to hear, I understood how loving it was that Joe insisted I sharing the truth. He doesn’t want to rebuild a mirage. He wants our new marriage to be built on truth. No more secrets.