Discovery - Day 2
A journal entry from December 24, 2013
It's Christmas Eve and I’m sitting here
afraid to begin this writing. Afraid
to open my frozen heart to the rush of emotion I know is sure to break
through if I allow myself to really understand what has been going on in my
life for … how long? Joe said a few
months. Joe has been having an emotional affair for a few
months.
Instead of dealing with this I started googling, “Is it really an affair if there is no sex?” The answer is yes and it can be much more damaging than a fling.
Instead of dealing with this I started googling, “Is it really an affair if there is no sex?” The answer is yes and it can be much more damaging than a fling.
I’m
sick. Why did he need
this?
I think I'm crazy. I want to sweep it under the rug and curl up in his arms. I want Joe to make it better. I want him to say all of those comforting loving things that show how much he loves me. I’m in denial. I want him to protect me from this awful thing that has happened but he's the one who did it. He is my abuser. I understand the wife who keeps going back to her abusive husband. Who else can she turn to for the love and comfort he once provided? The article said that one good outcome is that the cheater realizes what he almost lost and treats the marriage better. I thought I already had a good marriage.
I cannot see a good outcome for this. I can’t see me being able to have my life back. The kids have all moved out. I was so excited about our life together without kids. He’s ruined the whole thing. Everything I’ve look forward to in my life has been with Joe at the center. I think of our plans and I feel sick. I can’t see any of it now.
I thought I had the perfect life and the most amazing husband and all along I have been sharing him with her.
I was just curled up in a ball on the floor crying and rocking. I think that is a good thing. I need to move out of denial. I’m giving him the illusion that we will “work this out.” That may not be the case.
We've always worked things out before because our marriage is so strong and solid. Well apparently it's not. It was all a lie.
I think I'm crazy. I want to sweep it under the rug and curl up in his arms. I want Joe to make it better. I want him to say all of those comforting loving things that show how much he loves me. I’m in denial. I want him to protect me from this awful thing that has happened but he's the one who did it. He is my abuser. I understand the wife who keeps going back to her abusive husband. Who else can she turn to for the love and comfort he once provided? The article said that one good outcome is that the cheater realizes what he almost lost and treats the marriage better. I thought I already had a good marriage.
I cannot see a good outcome for this. I can’t see me being able to have my life back. The kids have all moved out. I was so excited about our life together without kids. He’s ruined the whole thing. Everything I’ve look forward to in my life has been with Joe at the center. I think of our plans and I feel sick. I can’t see any of it now.
I thought I had the perfect life and the most amazing husband and all along I have been sharing him with her.
I was just curled up in a ball on the floor crying and rocking. I think that is a good thing. I need to move out of denial. I’m giving him the illusion that we will “work this out.” That may not be the case.
We've always worked things out before because our marriage is so strong and solid. Well apparently it's not. It was all a lie.
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