Raising the Bar for Honesty

My husband's lip quivered. “I have something to tell you.”

Over the past five years, that phrase has put me on high alert many times. My stomach drops, my heart races and I brace myself for the onslaught of emotion Joe’s words of truth-telling are sure to bring.
I readied myself for his admission.

“I thought about contacting a woman for validation, but I didn’t." Joe assured me. "I don’t want to be that man anymore. I am coming to you instead.”

I took a breath and checked in with myself. My heart quieted. My breathing calmed. I was okay.

Joe continued, and I listened with an ear tuned to the message he needed to share. He felt criticism coming from me lately. It reignited feelings of inadequacy and being a disappointment. In the past, these feelings would have caused him to turn to others for comfort and distraction from the pain. This time God was stronger. Joe was stronger. This time, Joe came to me, knowing I would provide the love and validation he needed. He trusted me to hear the love in his disclosure, and I did.

Joe raised the bar for honesty in our relationship that morning. He was right. I had been critical. I was feeling overwhelmed with some of my time pressures at work and became secretly judgmental about how he spent his time. Rather than talk to him honestly about my discomfort, I made backhanded comments about what he was doing and minimized his interests and concerns.

I do not blame myself for his temptation, but I take full responsibility for not talking openly with Joe about my feelings. Thankfully, Joe is a new man. He knew the truth would keep us safe. He came clean, sharing his feelings and the danger his they created.

Marriage is rewarding, but it’s also scary sometimes. It requires ongoing vigilance. Our relationship must be our priority. I am so grateful Joe was paying attention when temptation struck and that he used the warning as a catalyst to look for its cause.

My husband raised the bar for honesty that morning. I will do my best to follow his example of truth.